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Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Forever And A Day

Melissa is the sweetest, and I love that she constantly inspires me to better the relationship I have with my man. I am so excited she's here to share some of what she's learned in her first year of marriage.
And seriously, how beautiful was her wedding?! 


Hi Friends!  I'm Melissa and I blog over at Forever and A Day.

On June 11th, 2012, Tim and I celebrated our one year wedding anniversary.
We spent a luxurious 4 days in Big Sur and it gave me a lot of time to think.    

Our first year of marriage came and went faster than I ever anticipated and I realized that I've learned quite a bit in the past 12 months.  

Here are 12 things I learned in the 1st 12 months of marriage:  

1.  It's OK to fight, but fight productively.  
Let's face it.  No one enjoys fighting.  Debating, maybe.  Fighting, no.  Especially not with your partner.  But, it happens.  And in our house apartment, it happens more often than I'd like to admit.  What I've learned is that it's important to make those fights as kind as they can be.  Don't go for the low blows.  Try not to raise your voice.  Get your point across in a calm, mature matter.  

2.  Serve each other.  
I have found that our marriage is strengthened when we do little things for each other selflessly.  This could be something as simple as Tim making sure the dishes are actually in the dishwasher (and not the sink!) for me or me cleaning the litter boxes out for him.  When we go out of our way to do little things around the house that make the other happy, good things happen.  

3.  Take an interest in the other person's passions.  
I can't even begin to tell you how many different craft beers I've tried in the past year.  Tim, in turn, is reading my favorite book, "The Martian Chronicles.  

4.  Encourage each other.  
I don't know if I would be writing this blog if not for Tim's encouragement.  I also like to think that I've encouraged him to push himself as well.  

5.  Keep the romance alive.  
This doesn't have to mean big trips, fancy jewelry, or writing songs for each other.  Simple little things, like going to our favorite restaurant, surprise flowers, or making cookies can keep that spark alive.  

6.  Appreciate each other.  
Recognize that you are both in this together and that marriage provides you with an amazing friendship, an extraordinary love, and a built in support system.  Don't take those wonderful things for granted.  

7.  Have fun together.  
Be silly.  Get day drunk (and drive responsibly).  Run into the freezing cold Pacific Ocean.  Make up silly words.  

8.  Power down and unplug.  
While I love me some Instagram just as much as the next girl, I can't speak enough about the wonders of going analog.  Take a few hours and turn off your devices.  Laptop, cell phone, tv.  Look at each other.  Talk to each other.  Go for a walk or hike that is uninterrupted by incessant phone buzzing.  Don't tweet about your experience right away.  Life your life.  Spend real, undistracted time with your spouse.  

9.  Discuss the future, but appreciate the present.  
I think it's so easy for young married couples like us to get caught up in thinking about the future.  When should we have babies?  I wonder when we will buy a house.  When will we feel ready to settle down?  I think it's a natural part of being in your twenties, but lately I've been realizing that I think so much about the future, that I'm missing the present.  Right now can be great!  Enjoy where you are in your life and your marriage.  Now.  

10.  Be (physically) there for each other.  
When Tim has a work function, I try to attend even when I don't feel like it.  When I have doctors appointments, Tim tries to work his work schedule so he can be there with me.  It makes the good events better, and the hard ones a little easier.  

11.  Embrace the in laws.  
They are your spouse's family.  Make it work.  It's going to be a pain to juggle holidays, differing viewpoints, and everything in between but make it work.  

12.  Say "I love you" a lot.  
When I say a lot, I mean a lot.  Tim and I probably say it at least ten times a day.  Sometimes it's when laughing.  Sometimes it's at the end of a phone call.  Sometimes it's intensely over a romantic moment.  Re affirm it constantly.  You probably don't need to, because even if you didn't say it, they probably know it, but it's so wonderful to hear it.    

What has your relationship taught you?  
I would love to hear your secrets to success.
Stop by and let me know!    


sip-n-wear said...

aw sweet... i totally agree with all 10.. you just have to communicate with each other... that's the most important i think... love these photos!

Nessa @{Casa Braaflat} said...

the wedding looks amazing. off to check it out over on the blog!

Mrs. Robinson said...

I love her blog. =) Enjoyed this post, too! Marriage is such a huge learning process - I've learned more than I ever expected to! Happy Anniversary!

Nicole Marie said...

these are good reminders for whenever my next relationship is... crossing fingers someone comes my way

Monica @ Mon Makes Things said...

Amen, sister! I whole-heartedly agree with all of this -- such good relationship advice!

Juliette said...

Aw, i love this post!
I think it's okay to confess here : I can't wait to be married, or at least to find the right man for me...

Cara-Mia said...

Love this post! Great advice for a newlywed. ;)

Robyn said...

love the wedding photos!

Daisy said...

Such wisdom, I completely agree. I have learned that I can't love my husband correctly apart from Christ.

Tabitha Mahoney said...

Embrace the inlaws thats such a great one. My parents are crazy, ha poor M.


Baylee said...

I LOVE this guest post! Great advice for anyone whether you're in a new relationship or vintage one! Thanks for posting, glad I found your blog!

Stephanie said...

I totally agree with all of these tips. Especially saying I love you a lot. I used to think it was so cheesy but it's really not when you truly mean it. It makes your loved one feel appreciated in the best way possible.

Ashley said...

as someone getting married in 94 days OMG! I loved reading this post!thanks so much!


Kristina said...

I think the key is communication - even if it is hard to talk about certain things, you gotta do it! great post tammy!

Tiffany Martinkus said...

Oh my gosh, I absolutely love love love this! After 13 years of being together and 7 years of being married, I've been feeling like my marraige isn't really "there". So we've been doing a lot of these things and it's really helped strengthen our bond.


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